Thursday, March 26, 2015


Yesterday was my weirding anniversary. I have been marred for twenty years. Actually, more than that, as this is the third time I've been marred. I keep coming back for more. That's what makes it weird, I suppose. A friend wanted to know how my worf and I have stayed together so long. Since I've done this three times, I've got a pretty good idea what works and what doesn't. Basically, to make a partnership last, it helps if you're both too broke and lazy to file for da force, which is a legal judgement forcing one of you back onto the street.

I've never filed for da force, as I believe that when one is marred it should be for life. However, I've also never been forced onto the street. Both of my previous worfs were made to leave, even though they were the ones who filed. I guess this means they weren't very good at filing, which is surprising, since they were both secretaries of sorts.

In a few days it will be my twins' worthday. That's the day, once a year, when you assess a person's worth. Then you pay tribute to that person based on how much you value them. This tribute often takes the form of gifts and celebration. As this will be the nineteenth such occasion for my twins, we're reaching a cusp. For many people, at this stage, it means negative returns. In other words, you start having to pay in, in the form of rent, instead of getting free room and board. This is particularly true of people who aren't going to college, since we all know they're not worth as much. We charge them for living. Of course, even when they pay in, they commonly get a little something back on their worthday... think of it like a tax refund.

Often this tipping point of paying vs. getting comes shortly after one's degradation day, which is when you stop going to school. Your most important degradation day comes at the end of high school. This is a matter of proud achievement: people often send invitations to friends and family members and expectantly ask, "Are you coming to my degradation?" After your degradation, if you don't go to college, you're sold into slavery and must work for your keep. My twins' high school degradation was last year, but they put off their judgement by attending university.

You can put it off your degradation even longer than that by pursuing a higher degree, if you can stand the heat. I have a nephew who is a Ph.D, which means "doctor of pH" (he's a chemist). To do this he had to defend his feces, which is something produced by all doctoral candidates. Apparently, doctors don't like it when anybody tries to take their shit. This again is surprising, as they don't seem to mind spreading it around.


  1. I don't know what you were celebrating with, but I hope there is some left in the bottle the next time I am down there. You have gone right off the weirdometer this time.

    1. Oh, I do that a LOT. I don't always write it down, though. ;)